Sunday, March 21, 2010

Au Revoir

It is a Sunday night and I’m working on overdue reports. I try not to work on the weekend. It is unhealthy but I started dreaming about what I needed to write in those reports. I may have even talked about the reports in my sleep. I had to pull myself together, sit at my work desk for a few hours and really start thinking about the things I need to accomplish before Monday. This is depressing, to say the least, and to consider myself hardworking is a lie. I am not. The long list of to do’s that I was unable to accomplish by the end of the previous work week is proof of how distracted I had been. I’m starting to abhor the daily grind, the long days spent in the office and the restless nights thinking about how much longer I can keep afloat through work and my personal life.

He gave me up two weeks ago. He forced the issue by telling me has slept with his wife again. It was no secret to me that he sleeps beside the wife. Things have changed since my last blog entry. It took a turn for the worse for me and now the wife is taking a lead advantage.

The mistress never gets the man. Of the ten people I know who have, at one point in their lives been a mistress, only one of them got the man. What are the odds I will be that one person in this statistic? The more I thought about how much time he has been spending at home, the more I regret letting myself become part of that other 90%.

The mistress never gets the man.

Yet I can’t bring myself to feel that that one year in my life that I spent with Ed had been worthless. It wasn’t. Despite the tribulation, he gave me some of the best memories of my life.

There is no future for me, for us, he had told me. I had cried, yet again, because if he gave me up, I would have to give him up, too, and I would get over him the following day if I chose to. I didn’t want our love story to end but I have to close this chapter on Ed and move on.

This is me moving on……