Sunday, May 30, 2010

Serendipity


As if in a movie, I looked across the crowded store and he was standing there, looking at me, too, while the throng of people scurried hurriedly around him.

But unlike in the movie, there won't be music swelling in the background, we won't be running towards each other, pushing through the crowd and when finally we are facing each other, time will stand still and he will ask me, very casually, how I have been. With bated breaths, we will stand looking into each other eyes and a kiss, that elusive kiss, will seal our fate together.

No.

No, there was nothing like that.
**************

Wednesday afternoon.

I am taking the rest of the week off but I won't be leaving for Puerto Galera until Friday. Two more days of not doing anything appealed to me. I would stay up late and wake up at noon. I will have coffee at Starbucks and stay until late afternoon, come home and have dinner then curl up in my sofa to watch some horror movie. I had a very loose schedule for the next two days.

I took some time after work to pick up new movies at my favorite store selling pirated DVD's. It is one of my favorite past times, actually. Ed and I used to come to this place all the time, when life wasn't so complicated and we were in love and sure of what we wanted. We would spend hours poring over endless stacks of movies and TV series, excited about new episodes and reveling at copies of rare movies and bootlegged music and videos. We had so much fun comparing our haul after hours of looking through the piles of DVD's. We have the same taste in adult entertainment and always end up choosing the same porn films.

The place reminded me so much of him. I couldn't help but feel sad because that memory, although vivid, now feels very distant, a memory from someone else's life.

And then, as if in a movie, I looked across the crowded store and he was standing there, looking at me, too, while the throng of people scurried hurriedly around him.

But unlike in the movie, there won't be music swelling in the background, we won't be running towards each other, pushing through the crowd and when finally we are facing each other, time will stand still and he will ask me, very casually, how I have been. With bated breaths, we will stand looking into each other eyes and a kiss, that elusive kiss, will seal our fate together.

No.

No, there was nothing like that.

That part of me that always longed for him had died and in it's place only the memory of a beautiful love remained. Just a memory now. Oh, how I loved him then! Our love had been wonderful. We had a fun run but now that is over and I am moving on.

I turned around and walked away, the way he had walked away from me, without apology, without remorse but with a lightness in my heart knowing that just like walking away now, we had saved ourselves from a much greater pain by ending our love in order for his children to keep their father.

Who said I didn't have a moral compass?