Sunday, May 30, 2010

Serendipity


As if in a movie, I looked across the crowded store and he was standing there, looking at me, too, while the throng of people scurried hurriedly around him.

But unlike in the movie, there won't be music swelling in the background, we won't be running towards each other, pushing through the crowd and when finally we are facing each other, time will stand still and he will ask me, very casually, how I have been. With bated breaths, we will stand looking into each other eyes and a kiss, that elusive kiss, will seal our fate together.

No.

No, there was nothing like that.
**************

Wednesday afternoon.

I am taking the rest of the week off but I won't be leaving for Puerto Galera until Friday. Two more days of not doing anything appealed to me. I would stay up late and wake up at noon. I will have coffee at Starbucks and stay until late afternoon, come home and have dinner then curl up in my sofa to watch some horror movie. I had a very loose schedule for the next two days.

I took some time after work to pick up new movies at my favorite store selling pirated DVD's. It is one of my favorite past times, actually. Ed and I used to come to this place all the time, when life wasn't so complicated and we were in love and sure of what we wanted. We would spend hours poring over endless stacks of movies and TV series, excited about new episodes and reveling at copies of rare movies and bootlegged music and videos. We had so much fun comparing our haul after hours of looking through the piles of DVD's. We have the same taste in adult entertainment and always end up choosing the same porn films.

The place reminded me so much of him. I couldn't help but feel sad because that memory, although vivid, now feels very distant, a memory from someone else's life.

And then, as if in a movie, I looked across the crowded store and he was standing there, looking at me, too, while the throng of people scurried hurriedly around him.

But unlike in the movie, there won't be music swelling in the background, we won't be running towards each other, pushing through the crowd and when finally we are facing each other, time will stand still and he will ask me, very casually, how I have been. With bated breaths, we will stand looking into each other eyes and a kiss, that elusive kiss, will seal our fate together.

No.

No, there was nothing like that.

That part of me that always longed for him had died and in it's place only the memory of a beautiful love remained. Just a memory now. Oh, how I loved him then! Our love had been wonderful. We had a fun run but now that is over and I am moving on.

I turned around and walked away, the way he had walked away from me, without apology, without remorse but with a lightness in my heart knowing that just like walking away now, we had saved ourselves from a much greater pain by ending our love in order for his children to keep their father.

Who said I didn't have a moral compass?





8 comments:

Nashe^ said...

I'm moved by your courage.

*sniff*

Love Crackhead. Erotic Memoirist said...

@Nashe
Thank you. Although I think it was cowardice. There were many things I wanted to say.

The Demigoddess said...

ceI agree with Nashe. I think that was very brave of you. If it were me I would either cry or beat him with my bag or whatever I can grab.

Clipped Wings13 said...

same here... so many things I wanted to ask... to tell him... but as time passed by... I don't remember those questions anymore. I guess there are just questions best left unanswered.

floreta said...

so perfect that this is depicted in a movie store..

this is reminding me of my big ex.. we used to spend hours in movie rental places scouring their cheap for sale bins. we had similar tastes too. we'd buy 10+ dvds but never watch any of them.. actually, it kinda pissed me off. the amount of unwatched dvds and stuff we collected throughout the years..

the memories are fun and should be treasured. but it IS brave of you to realize when to move on.

Maryx said...

Proud of you sweetie. It hurts. I realize. It always does. But what you did, I like! =) Good luck sweetie and enjoy your time off.

mel0890 said...

'there's a beauty in walking away'
Marie Digby x

Donna said...

hey trinity..
where have you gone? i used to read your entries hun but you haven't written anything in a while :/
just so you know i love your blog.. so real and open and moving..there's nothing like it..
well i hope you get to read this comment babe and that we'll hear from you soon!

x x x